I hate being misunderstood.

Lately I’ve discovered it’s something that I really struggle with. It frustrates me. I don’t like it when people only see or hear a “snippet” of something and then draw a biased conclusion based upon it.  It makes my inner person want to stand up and scream, “That’s not fair!!!”  I want to explain myself & let them hear my side of the story. I want to defend myself. As my husband would say, “Kitchen Jessica” would make an appearance. (This is the name he has given me for those times when I just have to get something off my chest, set the record straight and unleash all my big feelings on him…and usually this takes place in the kitchen.)

Throughout this past year, I have found myself having this feeling often.  It’s my constant companion,  bubbling just under the surface. This desire to defend.

The problem lies when I want to defend but I know that it’s not what God wants me to do.  Sometimes (probably most times) I think God just wants me to turn to him, trust him, leave the defending to him.

This is something that I really admire about Mary, the mother of Jesus.  She had an unwavering trust in God to place her honor and reputation in his hands. If anyone can relate to being misunderstood, or misrepresented, it’s her.  One minute she’s a virgin pledged to be married and the next she’s pregnant with the Son of God.  Suddenly her life is turned upside down and she’s marked with misunderstandings. People whispering behind her back about who the father might be. Speculation as to her virtue.  Snide remarks and pious gazes following her around wherever she went.

If I were Mary, I’d wanna yell it from the rooftops, set the record straight: “Listen, this isn’t what it looks like!”  I’d want to kick into defense mode. Kitchen Jessica would have a few choice words.

But here’s Mary’s response:

“Yes, I see it all now. I’m the Lord’s maid, ready to serve. Let it be with me just as you say.”

She doesn’t turn into “Kitchen Mary” and start complaining about how people will misunderstand her and what a scandal this will be for her. She doesn’t stomp her feet and unleash all her big feelings everywhere. She just trusts.

And this act of trust is simple and it’s beautiful. But it’s also so very powerful.

While reading, I noticed the way in which the angel Gabriel greets her in such a personal and encouraging way. He doesn’t just jump right in with the big news. He starts off with this:

“Good morning! You’re beautiful with God’s beauty, beautiful inside and out! God be with you.”

Can you imagine receiving that kind of greeting? It kind of takes the edge off of having an angel appear unannounced at your door. These words set the tone for the rest of their conversation.  I find it very telling that these are the first words that God chooses to have Gabriel speak to Mary. As a woman, this greeting chips away at my defensive parts and leaves me raw and vulnerable. It’s more than a greeting, it’s a declaration really. A declaration of identity and of love.

When we are secure in our identity in Christ and reminded of his love, we lose our desire to defend ourselves.

The strong desire to defend loosens its grip on us and we are free to exchange our defending for resting. My prayer today is that when we sense that intense desire to defend we are reminded to first turn to God and allow him to speak a declaration of love and identity over us.  And as we allow that truth to settle on us, may we choose to rest in him.

Psalm 62:5-8

Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God[c];
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.