The other day at the lake I lost something really valuable.  Something that kind of makes me ache inside to even think about.  In reality it happened in a matter of seconds but in my mind it was like being stuck in slow motion.  I was trying to will myself to catch the ring before it hit the top of the waves and sank to the bottom of the lake.

It took up residence on the ring finger of my right hand over  12 years ago.  I still have vivid memories of the night my husband gave me the ring.
We laugh about it now because there was a “disclaimer” of sorts before giving it to me. He wanted me to know that it was NOT an engagement ring. I thought that point had been rather driven home. 🙂  It had been his mother’s ring.  She had worn it.  I had worn it.  And I had hoped that perhaps my daughter would one day wear it as well. It had been a part of a set, a matching ring to the one his dad had worn and my husband himself still wears.  But now this symbol of love, this symbol of commitment & family…it sits on the bottom of a lake in Iowa.

I thought telling my husband was going to be hard.  He was the one after all, who was always telling me I should take my rings off before swimming.  And I was the one never listening.  But he took it really well.  Much better in fact, than I would have had I been in his position.  Although his first words were still, “That’s why it’s always a good idea to take your rings off before swimming.”  After feeling for the ring on my finger more than a dozen times yesterday, and coming up empty every time, I finally just broke down crying in the car. I felt so terrible. To have lost such a valuable item, something that meant so much to him especially after losing his dad several years ago, it made me ache with regret.  And true to his character, my husband looked straight at me and said what any wife in my situation would long to hear.  He said, ” I don’t need that ring. I don’t need anything. All I really need is YOU.”  It was exactly what I needed to hear.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night.  I had been dreaming I’d lost something important. And then I realized the awful truth all over again.  And as I was lying awake in bed replaying the moment again, wishing I hadn’t tossed that raft to my son Levi, wishing it hadn’t flown off my finger into the deep as I did so, wishing I had just taken it off to begin with, I began to think of the words my husband said.  And it was like God whispered to my heart, “That’s how I feel too.”  All I REALLY need is you.

He doesn’t need me plus my striving. He doesn’t need me plus my talents. He really just needs me.  Because when I give myself to him, when I surrender it all, then He has all he needs. And lying in bed last night the Holy Spirit reminded me again of his grace.  His amazing, undeserved, all encompassing grace.  All He really needs is me. Not the “me” I wish I was. Not the “me” I want people to believe I am.  Not even the “me” I am yet to be.  Just simply me. Just simply you. Maybe today that’s exactly what you need to hear. The vacant spot on my finger will be my reminder.