The other day I was enjoying a long bike ride. I headed out not really sure where I was headed. I just knew I had to get out of town and into some woods where I could breathe some fresh air. Where my thoughts could get lost in the song of a bird sweetly chirping. It was as if my soul was calling out to me to connect to something bigger. Something pure.
I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed lately. I have a lot to get done in what seems like a short amount of time and I’m….Well, I’m tired. I feel the question from a girlfriend running around in my head. Do you ever feel like you’re doing a million different things but you’re not really doing any of them really well? My answer is “Yes.” My answer is “Often times I feel like that.”
But I want to do them ALL and I want to do them all REALLY WELL. And my guess is you want to do it all and really well too! I want to be SUPER mom, SUPER wife, SUPER pastor’s wife, SUPER employee, SUPER cook, SUPER writer, SUPER decorator, SUPER stylish….you get the idea. The problem is when I start trying to be SUPER at all these things, I end up being SUPER at none of them.
I have so many things to do. So little time. And yet
Unanxious and unintimidated.
These two words don’t necessarily describe me. I’d like them to. I’m working on it. I’m just not quite there yet.
I’ve spent far too much time feeling anxious. I hate even admitting that, but it’s the truth. My heart starts racing, sometimes my palms get a little sweaty. Thoughts start swirling around in my head and at times I begin to actually feel physically sick. A knot begins to form in my stomach. The skin around my neck and shoulder area gets all red and blotchy. Ugh. Just writing about it is making me feel anxious!
Yesterday morning the sunrise was amazing. My daughter noticed it right away and brought it to my attention. We tiptoed to the living room to look out the front window at the breathtaking display of orange, yellow, purple, blue and red that had painted itself against the sky. It was beautiful. We sat in silence for a minute, just her and I, taking it all in. I looked down at her, still just staring off into the distance. And then she turned and uttered a few thoughts that I have been wrestling with ever since.
